Friday, April 6, 2012

Present, Past, Future

I have been really busy with my final year project, tests and assignments for the past 2 weeks. Even though in between, which some of you may know, I went back Miri just to see my family and to celebrate the boyfriend's birthday. 

To the curiosity of many people, how on earth can this girl whom is yours truly, me, spare the time to go back home with the continuously piling up workload while you yourself don't even have the time to take a puff, a proper shower or even a proper meal? So because of my frequent going-back home phenomena, I have been giving people an impression that I care less or do not even bother about my studies as much as other people do, or my course is simply freaking mad free compared to other courses. 

What I can tell you is, you are so wrong. So wrong that you should really face-palm yourself. I was busy and still busy. But I'm not that kind of person who can be productive or even work under stress. I have to work to study in a relaxing mood then only I can absorb the knowledge and theories behind every subject. 

To juggle with my going back home, studies, traveling and etc, I have been study really hard whenever I can, whenever I have the time. I go to bed at around 2am everyday, wake up at 10am if there is no class and earlier if there is class. I must have sufficient sleep. Then once I wake up, I would just sit in front of the laptop doing my work with full concentration, study, do notes as early preparation for final so that I do not have to read the same thing twice but read my own notes. In between that, I need to take a 15 minutes break so I would facebook, youtube a while which are my favorites. And if I completed my work earlier than I expected, I would watch some series. 

As I have the least interest in sports when I'm in the university, I do not do sports which I have another extra 2 hours studying when my friends go sports. I barely eat out which save me another 1 hour as I eat in room and do my project in the same time. I do complain to my boyfriend and my close friends that I feel suffocated being in room for too long a period sometime but I always tell myself:

This is what you have to pay for if you want to balance out between going back home, traveling and studying.

My batch mates do go back home every single weekend, some maybe every alternate week. But for them, I shouldn't go back at all because theirs are 2 hours of driving distance while mine is a 4 hours driving distance from the uni to airport, 2 hours flight, minus of the waiting time I have to spend in the airport, it's 6 hours, maximum I have ever spent in the car, bus, airport was 12 hours. But I feel worth it, definitely worth it to be back home for home-cooked, to see my family my cousins and my boyfriend. Its always good to be home.

So I always opted for midnight bus to the airport where I can sleep in the bus, wake up morning in the airport and with my laptop I'm able to complete another assignment while waiting for my flight, back home showered, took a 2 hours nap then lunch with boyfriend then visited my baby cousin and had fun with her. Even though it sounds really tiring but I'm pretty used to it.

Some may ask won't it affect my academic performance and etc? No. For me, no. Last semester I travelled really frequent here and there but manage to get all As and only one A- for final exam. So, I proved to certain people that they are wrong for saying that studying has always been my last priority in my life. 

I do admit that I have not much interest in engineering currently and studying for the sake of studying. I do not have the intention of working under people's orders for my entire life. I'm not that kind of person who is suitable to be a follower, I want to lead my own life my career myself. I want to be able to make decision on certain things. I want to do something which every morning waking up, I'm looking forward to it but not going to the office reluctantly. Life is meaningless in that way if you are to do something you are not interested in for your whole life. 

Then again, to become successful, I MUST learn how to be a good follower and a good leader in the same time, which I'm still learning. Today my friend threw me a question asking me.

"When you are old and at your 40s, looking back at your university life, what could be the most fun most interesting thing that you have done?"

He gave me a hard time thinking. And I still do not have an exact answer. But I know I enjoyed my university life a lot when I was in foundation, when everyone was very close. 

Me and another 2 females coursemates ever threw our bags outside the windows during lectures without lecturer noticing and sneaked out, went for lunch and went back room. Thats the first crazy thing. Me and another 4 friends: Jv, Meili, Arvin and Wison ever drove all the way from university to Ipoh just for a cup of mcd iced milo then drove all the way back again at 2am. Thats the second crazy thing. A bunch of us ever went out for a big night walk group and took pictures in the middle of the road outside the university. That's the third crazy thing.

I can keep going on and on. I did appreciate my university life but thats not enough for me yet. As we grow, we are becoming more and more mature. We stop doing all these things and be serious with our studies our relationships. What's driving us apart is the ultimate goal that each of us is chasing is becoming different and also bad rumors, really bad rumors. 

Something has to be done to change all this. As much as I miss the past, I know there is no reverse gear in the present, all I can do is to appreciate the present so I would not regret in the future.

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