Fifty

I know right, fifty shades again?! Many people been asking me why am I so totally into this book and before I could even explain why, they concluded that I love reading porn. Like seriously man, reading porn? No. I love this book because this book for me is not just all about sex. I somehow can see the insight of the story, I can visualize Christian Grey's childhood and how impeccable he would be if he really does exist. 

My addiction towards fifty is almost incurable (I think). Even when I'm with my boyfriend, I can just read and read and read, engrossing in this book the whole day and ignore him. Then when I'm done with one book, I get very emotional, depressed and do not feel like talking at all. My mind was all about fifty shades trilogy. I wonder how christian grey looks like, how attractive Anatalsia is, why is Grey's childhood so fucked up and etc etc. My mind has nothing else but this book. 

Then I realize, I have been living in E.L James imagination and I can't seem to get myself out. It's like a part of me is in fifty and when I'm done reading the book, part of me is gone. :( I seek for advice from my best friend and my sister. They said I have to stop living in their "world", it does not exist. They know how I feel like when I said a part of me is gone because they feel the same after watching certain series and anime. They said I need to socialize. 

I took my phone and scrolled the name list over and over again. Who can I socialize with? I'm the only one so far I've know that has done reading fifty shades trilogy. Who else can I share my depression and addiction with? Then I look up for fifty fan page in internet. I read the comments pages by pages and I told myself if I would to join them then my addiction will not go any better, I will just keep drowning indefinitely.

After a while, I decided to story the whole thing to the boyfriend. He was like woooo, wuaaa and etc etc then when i'm done I asked him can u visualize the whole thing? Not the BDSM part but I mean the  melancholia part of christian's childhood and how strong ana has to be for him? He murmured no vaguely.

Someone has to help me out. I tried diverting my attention to baking, shopping and trying hard to plan our upcoming europe trip, but it seems like it's not working on me.

It's just a damn book, but why on earth am I so addicted to it?