Tuesday

Dreamt of the boyf telling me harshly that he is not attending my convo in october because he wants to work for gundam for 20cent/hr. Woke up in shock and anger, called him, scolded and asked him if he is attending then slept back.

0.0

Most "tiring" dream ever

I had the most tiring, mentally exhausted dream ever last night. I dreamt that me together with a big group of friends were chased by three freaking mad zombies while I was walking from my uni, utp to Ipoh. =.=!

I was on my way walking uphill when a lady driving a red local car, sped passed us then reversed again and dropped the three zombies to chase us. I was the fastest runner there and I ran like mad till I reached a place where it looks like the set up for representing China during Shanghai expo. Like dafuq how they even linked together in the dream. I found a big old antique cupboard and hid inside there with my sister. We peeped through the hole to see if the zombie ever find us. 

Then I was woke by the vibration of my phone, 1130am, where my boyfriend is trying to reach me telling me that he is right in front of my house gate waiting for me for lunch but made no avail. So my maid opened the gate for him and he surprised me by standing inside my bedroom throwing me a sentence with a sarcastic smile

"1130000 already and you are still sleepinggggg." 

Till now I still can't get over how those 3 idiots zombies chased me. It was so damn it tiring.

And so april comes and goes, but my insomnia remains fml.

As time goes by, I'm slowing wrapping up my university life, though another 4 months to leaving this lousy place. I'm really excited with no tinge of reluctancy. One thing I'm sure of: I will not bloody miss this place, except for some really great friends I have met along the way.

Have been giving a lot of thoughts on my future lately. All I can conclude is I do not want to be in the engineering field for long. I've longed to run a coffee house myself, where its serve really aromatic coffee/latte/frappucino all day long and together with delicious cakes/cupcakes/toast/waffles/pancakes/pastries/scones. The coffee house will be three storeys with three  different themes for each floor: modern, vintage, the french style. Omggggg dreams but I will make it come true one day, hopefully not too long away but soon.

I'm not those type of person who can do the same thing for long, what's more with things which I have almost no passion in it. I love photography, but I do not have time for it because of my studies and other commitments for example, relationship. I love traveling but I find it difficult to find a partner to travel with except for the bf. What more it's tied to his working schedule. Speaking here, I think we are going to burn our Japan tickets. Damn work.

So, when I graduated, I really really want to do something which I have passion in, something which I love, something which I will be looking forward to waking up doing it every morning. For now, what I'm sure of is, engineering is not my cup of tea.

Maybe it can be a good start of savings but I won't be involved in it for long. 

Present, Past, Future

I have been really busy with my final year project, tests and assignments for the past 2 weeks. Even though in between, which some of you may know, I went back Miri just to see my family and to celebrate the boyfriend's birthday. 

To the curiosity of many people, how on earth can this girl whom is yours truly, me, spare the time to go back home with the continuously piling up workload while you yourself don't even have the time to take a puff, a proper shower or even a proper meal? So because of my frequent going-back home phenomena, I have been giving people an impression that I care less or do not even bother about my studies as much as other people do, or my course is simply freaking mad free compared to other courses. 

What I can tell you is, you are so wrong. So wrong that you should really face-palm yourself. I was busy and still busy. But I'm not that kind of person who can be productive or even work under stress. I have to work to study in a relaxing mood then only I can absorb the knowledge and theories behind every subject. 

To juggle with my going back home, studies, traveling and etc, I have been study really hard whenever I can, whenever I have the time. I go to bed at around 2am everyday, wake up at 10am if there is no class and earlier if there is class. I must have sufficient sleep. Then once I wake up, I would just sit in front of the laptop doing my work with full concentration, study, do notes as early preparation for final so that I do not have to read the same thing twice but read my own notes. In between that, I need to take a 15 minutes break so I would facebook, youtube a while which are my favorites. And if I completed my work earlier than I expected, I would watch some series. 

As I have the least interest in sports when I'm in the university, I do not do sports which I have another extra 2 hours studying when my friends go sports. I barely eat out which save me another 1 hour as I eat in room and do my project in the same time. I do complain to my boyfriend and my close friends that I feel suffocated being in room for too long a period sometime but I always tell myself:

This is what you have to pay for if you want to balance out between going back home, traveling and studying.

My batch mates do go back home every single weekend, some maybe every alternate week. But for them, I shouldn't go back at all because theirs are 2 hours of driving distance while mine is a 4 hours driving distance from the uni to airport, 2 hours flight, minus of the waiting time I have to spend in the airport, it's 6 hours, maximum I have ever spent in the car, bus, airport was 12 hours. But I feel worth it, definitely worth it to be back home for home-cooked, to see my family my cousins and my boyfriend. Its always good to be home.

So I always opted for midnight bus to the airport where I can sleep in the bus, wake up morning in the airport and with my laptop I'm able to complete another assignment while waiting for my flight, back home showered, took a 2 hours nap then lunch with boyfriend then visited my baby cousin and had fun with her. Even though it sounds really tiring but I'm pretty used to it.

Some may ask won't it affect my academic performance and etc? No. For me, no. Last semester I travelled really frequent here and there but manage to get all As and only one A- for final exam. So, I proved to certain people that they are wrong for saying that studying has always been my last priority in my life. 

I do admit that I have not much interest in engineering currently and studying for the sake of studying. I do not have the intention of working under people's orders for my entire life. I'm not that kind of person who is suitable to be a follower, I want to lead my own life my career myself. I want to be able to make decision on certain things. I want to do something which every morning waking up, I'm looking forward to it but not going to the office reluctantly. Life is meaningless in that way if you are to do something you are not interested in for your whole life. 

Then again, to become successful, I MUST learn how to be a good follower and a good leader in the same time, which I'm still learning. Today my friend threw me a question asking me.

"When you are old and at your 40s, looking back at your university life, what could be the most fun most interesting thing that you have done?"

He gave me a hard time thinking. And I still do not have an exact answer. But I know I enjoyed my university life a lot when I was in foundation, when everyone was very close. 

Me and another 2 females coursemates ever threw our bags outside the windows during lectures without lecturer noticing and sneaked out, went for lunch and went back room. Thats the first crazy thing. Me and another 4 friends: Jv, Meili, Arvin and Wison ever drove all the way from university to Ipoh just for a cup of mcd iced milo then drove all the way back again at 2am. Thats the second crazy thing. A bunch of us ever went out for a big night walk group and took pictures in the middle of the road outside the university. That's the third crazy thing.

I can keep going on and on. I did appreciate my university life but thats not enough for me yet. As we grow, we are becoming more and more mature. We stop doing all these things and be serious with our studies our relationships. What's driving us apart is the ultimate goal that each of us is chasing is becoming different and also bad rumors, really bad rumors. 

Something has to be done to change all this. As much as I miss the past, I know there is no reverse gear in the present, all I can do is to appreciate the present so I would not regret in the future.

Goodbye March x

I realized I had been on a mini hiatus since the last time I logged on into blogger. As March is coming to a full stop soon, probably I should write a wee bit here, penning down some interesting things.

The most interesting part would be the bf and I took a 9 days break from work/studies and had the most relaxing trip ever to Seoul and Jeju Island in Korea. As it was end of winter season the time we went to Korea, the weather was still pretty cold and dry and we really enjoyed it. Be it the weather, the food, the people, the shopping and etc, we just love every single details of Korea and will definitely go back there again. It was my second time to Korea in fact and not bored of it yet. Perhaps will never will. Will blog more about korea as soon as I got the time.

Taken at nami island, korea <3

In the meantime, I'm in the airport waiting for my 7am flight back to Miri for the weekend. Yes, I'm going back home again this weekend despite the heavy workload. That was why to compensate with this break, I worked my ass off during the weekdays. With the 8 hours gap to my flight, I'm making full use of the time to do my assignments and final year project. :) Almost done almost done! 

For those who have been saying that I'm like fcking free, please quit saying that. I'm not free, i'm equally busy. Just that I have better time management compared to you and I do not waste my time saying and thinking why other people are so damn free. 

That's all, back to work bye. x

Recently

After being away from a long hiatus (ignoring the recent random blabbering post), I finally have the damn time to sit down, sipping coffee and writing a decent entry to the heart contentment. There have been a lot of things happening around me which do not allow me to be as ignorance as before. 

All this while I have been giving people the impression that I'm probably the proudest girl you would ever see because I do not smile at people that often when I see them, or even if I do, it maybe doesn't look like a smile at all. I do admit that ever since last year, I have been really indifferent towards many things which I have no idea why, I have been pretty ignorance, which made my life a hell lot easier and happier. 

Ignorance has been a bliss because I do not have to get involved in friends' arguments, fights or anything. I can be a listener and comfort-er but I prefer to stay away from all the chaos, which made me become a closer friend to the virtual world than human beings.  My routine has been waking up, internet, lectures, assignments, call the family & bf, skype with sister once in a while then sleep. You see, sometime I wonder where's the interaction between me and the rest. 

Until recently, I have been making new friends and oh yeah, finally found someone whom I can clique together with. And in the same time, my friendships with the old pals just get better, which make me absolutely happier. 

And sharing(s) has never been this happier.

Till then. xx (boarding time)

Babbling

The reason why I'm here in the midst of all these tonnes of nonsense unfinished works is because

I'm feeling so damn it sien! 

I'm freaking 24 years old and been studying for the past 20 years which I'm beginning to feel weary of. All I want is to leave all these books and assignments nonsense and start my working life as soon as possible. No matter how tiring working life is going to be, I'm definitely gonna love it more than studying. Why?

Plain studying, you gain knowledge.

Working, you gain both knowledge and money.

And now my fyp2 is giving me problems damn you.

I miss the time when I can just travel to anywhere freely, without worrying nuts. 

Done babbling, bye. 

Respect

2 years back, I was most probably the most bad temper person you could ever meet in your life. I get angry easily and just cursed back whatever that could made me feel better without taking into account other people's feelings. I admit I was a jerk back then. 

But now, I'm kind of proud of myself that I can take jokes and whatever critics easy, as long as it does not cross my limit. However, people tend to take this for granted that they feel their jokes particularly something very personal are really funny and they can go on and on the whole day and even make fun of me publicly in front of people whom I do not know and I still have to let it go with a big smile on my face. Inside my head I was like keep telling myself to keep COOL and chill.

My question is how many time can you actually chill over a certain matter particularly those related to your family or body or your hair or just your physical look/appearance? Fuck there is a limit right? There are friends whom whenever they see me, we do not have a topic and in order to not having awkward moments, he/she starts making fun of my hair or eyes (because I have super small eyes equally as a thin line) or my shirts or my dress. All I can do is to keep on grinning like an idiot and he/she continues with his jokes and dude, sometime I rather you just shut your mouth and talk no shits.

One particular remark that I always get would be:

"wah wan sin your eyes so sibeh small."

"I know.. thanks. look like korean right?"

"hahahaha so don't want face. so damn small. small eyes yerrr no eyes one."

"haha"

"No eyes one hahahaha eh you see her eyes so small so funny no eyes one!!!"

".. :) with poker face"

"hahahaha how you see things de eh open bigger show me your eyes where are your eyes?"

":) ahahaha (in my head i would have kill you 10 times)"

Like THE FUCK? And this conversation repeats itself until we bid goodbye or it repeats again the next time we meet. For one or two times, I can really accept but if it happens repetitively over times, I get fed up, tired of this kind of jokes and eventually feel that he/she has no respect towards me or even my parents at all. This pair of eyes are given by my parents, by God. What right you have to comment over it. 

In life all we need is constructive comment but not critics that will bring one's self-esteem down and down. If that is the way of you to communicate with your friends, clearly this type of communication for me is wrong and disrespectful. What your point of bringing someone down? To make yourself look or sound greater?

I'm not finger-pointing at anyone. Just want to have a chance to vent out my opinions. I might be wrong but this is what I think at least. I just hope that the next time you or whoever meet me, stop making fun of my eyes unless you are my bf or from my family.

Because obviously I'm bored and fed up of it. 

What define Friends?

I attended my cousin's violet wedding in KL during the weekend. It was really beautiful and many touching moments. What touched my heart was her vows to the husband in front of the priest and the guests. 

One particular sentence which imprinted in my head was "wee loon, my friend, my love."

"My friend, my love."A simple four words phrase but contains powerful meaning. The husband for her, is her best friend whom she can share all her happiness and down moments with, with no boundaries. She can cry hard on his shoulder, hug him tight enough out of happiness, share whatever she wants be it knowledge or silly things, knowing that he will always be there for her. Because of this reliance and dependence, there comes love and then marriage. 

But what brings me to deeper thought is the word "friend".

I know true friends are difficult to look for, what's more a close and sincere one? Me in particular, has been difficult in making new friends because of the first impression I always give people without fail - The "lansi" or so called ignorant look, which was out of my intention at all. I was born this way, with this look. Then because of this, people start making judgement that I'm proud, not easy to approach, and this and that, which was really UNFAIR for me. 

People start making judgement before they even know me.

Yes, I do have some really really good and close friends whom I treasure. There are also friends whom I was once so close with during high school, then because of studies we were drifted apart, then slowly become some kind of awkward friends whom we do not have topics to talk about when come to whatsapp and face-to-face. When I made an effort to reconnect back the bonds and see no mutuality, I gave up.

I vented out my problem to my close friend and the bf. They told me it is normal. Friends change with age, with environment, with interest, with location. One cannot have MANY good friends, they can only have either one or two and that's enough. =/

I need friends, whom when I talk to him/her about my problems he/she is sincere enough to be my listener. I do not need friends with masks, they are so fake. 

Then again, it is never easy. 

p.s: i'm good, just some thoughts.

Finally A Break!

Finally a break off from studies and exams. Done with final year 1st semester which also implies that I'm one step closer to graduation. :D In my next coming 8 months, I just have to take another 4 major exams and then I will be done with my university and my study life.

Now that I'm back in Miri, I'm suppose to write and post more entries here. Then again, I'm a little bit off the mood now since I'm quite busy with my sweetheart angel, family and bf. And I will be flying off to KL tomorrow for the weekends with the family and bf for CNY shopping and to attend my cousin, Violet's wedding. 

We will be staying at Boulevard's Hotel for 2 nights and definitely anticipate good food and fruitful shopping throughout the weekends. Oh, time to check what movies to catch as well. 

Will be back next week. :) xx

Very Ill-Mannered Person!

Yesterday when I was so totally engrossed in the korean series - dream high, which I must mention was a damn good series that literally took all my attention. I had quitted watching series since mid 2010 cause I figured out that once I started watching, I had a difficult time to stop myself from it. 

So dream high, a must watch. The actors, all the main actors are so so so handsome.

Back to story, when I was all alone watching this series in my room with the damn door closed, one of my very very fucked up ill-mannered housemates can just opened the door, MY ROOM'S DOOR, without even knocking, came in put something on my absent roommate's table, and walked out like no one effing business.

She was so screwed up that she did not even bother to say a HI or BYE or even look at me?! What the F is wrong with you seriously? What the hell happened to your upbringings? Did you parents not teach you all these basic manners in LIFE which even my primary school niece/nephew know about it or you are just plain ignorant?

You know I have been controlling my temper really well recently that I rarely get angry at people. But people who have no manners at all, I really hate it, from the bottom of my heart. I hate ill-mannered people so much that I feel like reaping their skins off their face. SERIOUSLY.

I'm so sick of people like this. F

Some said that I should lock my door at the first place. Hello are you out of your mind or what? Door open or close, lock or unlock, the ULTIMATE MANNER, BASIC MANNER, before entering anyone's room, 

KNOCK THE DAMN DOOR! 

01/11/2011

I woke up as early as 8am today even though my lecture suppose to be at 10am, and I slept at 3am the night before. WHY?!

BECAUSE THEY JUST HAVE TO TRIM/CUT THE DAMN GRASS AS EARLY AS 730AM AROUND MY BLOCK!

EFF U!

Choosing a profile picture last time

Now I just stop bothering about it. Time changes people. :)

Uni

Physically here, mentally and emotionally NOT.

I just dislike being here. Nuff said.

why am i up at 2am?

The reason for late night sleep: GAME!

FML and the sims social.

那些年

曲：木村充利 词：九把刀
演唱：胡夏
又回到最初的起点
记忆中你青涩的脸
我们终於来到了这一天
桌垫下的老照片
无数回忆连结
今天男孩要赴女孩最后的约
又回到最初的起点
呆呆地站在镜子前
笨拙系上红色领带的结
将头发梳成大人模样
穿上一身帅气西装
等会儿见你一定比想像美
好想再回到那些年的时光
回到教室座位前后 故意讨你温柔的骂
黑板上排列组合 你舍得解开吗
谁与谁坐他又爱著她
那些年错过的大雨
那些年错过的爱情
好想拥抱你 拥抱错过的勇气
曾经想征服全世界
到最后回首才发现
这世界滴滴点点全部都是你
那些年错过的大雨
那些年错过的爱情
好想告诉你 告诉你我没有忘记
那天晚上满天星星
平行时空下的约定
再一次相遇我会紧紧抱著你
紧紧抱著你
又回到最初的起点
呆呆地站在镜子前
笨拙系上红色领带的结
将头发梳成大人模样
穿上一身帅气西装
等会儿见你一定比想像美
好想再回到那些年的时光
回到教室座位前后 故意讨你温柔的骂
黑板上排列组合 你舍得解开吗
谁与谁坐他又爱著她
那些年错过的大雨
那些年错过的爱情
好想拥抱你 拥抱错过的勇气
曾经想征服全世界
到最后回首才发现
这世界滴滴点点全部都是你
那些年错过的大雨
那些年错过的爱情
好想告诉你 告诉你我没有忘记
那天晚上满天星星
平行时空下的约定
再一次相遇我会紧紧抱著你
紧紧抱著你
那些年错过的大雨
那些年错过的爱情
好想拥抱你 拥抱错过的勇气
曾经想征服全世界
到最后回首才发现
那些年错过的大雨
这世界滴滴点点全部都是你
那些年错过的爱情
好想告诉你 告诉你我没有忘记
那天晚上满天星星
平行时空下的约定
再一次相遇我会紧紧抱著你
紧紧抱著你

This reminded me of my secondary school life which when I gave a thought back, it was kind of interesting. With so much dramas revolving around me during the high school life, I actually felt lucky to have all of it. What I meant was the stage from friendship to be in a relationship and back to friendship and then relationship then eventually strangers or just internet friends. It was when youth started.

With this, i felt thankful for those who added colors to my dull high school life. I wish you good luck and will find your right one soon.

I hope my bf never read this :P

It happens all the time, without fail! :P

The reason I'm up at 2.28a.m.!

Add caption

THANK YOU LAPTOP!

Dessert time!

lalalalala if that makes me a loser, let me be.

Why oh why do I get angry easily

Maybe I should enrol in this class as well. Damn!